Dating and Sickness

Well I'd like to dedicate this blog entry to my current boyfriend because of all that he has done for me thus far. I appreciate it forever regardless of whatever happens to our relationship status in the future. I know the future cannot be predicted nor do I even want to attempt to do so. But past actions have already been solidified and I am grateful. 


When I was first diagnosed with Dermatomyocitis all I could think of was wow, I will never date again. My thoughts were very negative. I was kind of surprised by how much the thought of not dating crushed me. Me, the human and social animal that I am found this topic to be on the forefront of my mind.


I then had a long conversation with one of my best friends Amy. She told me that she would date someone in a wheelchair. I joked that they would really have to like my personality and be able to bare my massive amount of talking.


You hear about those movie romances when it is usually the girl who is dying. And the man is some kind of noble stallion who makes her last days on earth some magical, lovey dovey experience.
Meh...lol- I was never into that type of experience so much.


I would much rather have this disease and die in some research lab with crazy scientist hair. Ahhh, that's a much more satisfying way to go for me. But better yet! How about I gain remission and have an energy filled, youthful relationship full of hugs, happiness, the occasional dissonance, and a new found life of being health conscious with my partner? That sounds much more romantic to me!


You meet people when you meet them and even if you didn't intend to date someone because of whatever chaos was going on in your life at the time. Sometimes you put that aside and just go with your feelings. Everyone deserves their little peace of pie. Even if it's a gluten free pie, right?
Right.
RIGHT! Now that's the enthusiasm I'm looking for here, sometimes I just need a little self motivation.
Hoooorayyy, hooorayyyy!! :DDDD


HhhHhhMMmmmm...of course everyone is different, not everyone is comfortable being with someone sick. Also if they are first meeting you, such heavy news can be the easiest way to put a giant hault onto the, "Hi, I'm Mary Lou and I like chocolate and the color blue," stage. How To Lose a Guy in 10 days?? How about how to lose a guy from the time it takes you to finish one sentence depending on how fast you talk?? Errr. Of course this is not always the case.


Although meeting a guy who understood me telling him on the first date that I had been diagnosed with a degenerative muscle disease that was getting better, but that could possibly not get better was quite the enlightening experience. Especially for this at times cynical person over here. It did make me think, maaaan, what has this poor guy gone through in his life to be so understanding?? And yeah I was right, he has had quite the trouble and tribulations beyond in certain ways what I can even understand, that have given him the compassion that he possesses. But aside from his experiences, I think it is just his personality type to be with someone for who they are and not necessarily because or not because of their current situation.


I thought it best to tell him on the first date. Not everyone agreed with me on this of course. But I thought that if it scared someone away then at least I could have some peace of mind that I was not leading them into a potentially serious situation that they were not aware of. It put me at ease during the dates as well. I was not carrying the uncomfortable burden of such potentially potent information.


Now aside from all of the emotional baggage that having such a diagnoses can bring, as we began to date I learned just how difficult having celiac disease can make dating. Well for one I cannot eat at any restaurants comfortable and without a potential risk of cross contamination or the chance that something might not actually be gluten free. So there goes half of the easiest date out there, dinner and a movie. I can still do the movie part! :p
Ok, how about grabbing drinks at a bar? Nadda.
That romantic glass of wine?? Nope.
Cutsie putt putt and some ice cream? :DD No, no, no on that ice cream!!


Not that gluten free alcohol does not exist, but my body is still in a major healing process. Alcohol really is not something that I can do on a consistant basis or really even at all. I've realized how awful I feel after drinking it. I'm out for a good couple days with some major fatigue. That last glass of wine I had lead me to the bathroom. I don't think that I could handle all of that sugar. My body is not quite ready yet.


Now onto the good stuff, kissing! Wait?? This becomes a problem to. Yes sirey! It's that cross contamination. Ohhh and how about kissing other places aside from smoochin on the lips? Yeah that's another thing.
So before kissing it is necessary for your partner to brush and floss in gluten free products to rid their mouth of gluten, to not gluten you. Also they must bath in gluten free products and use gluten free deodorant
I learned the hard way with many trips to the bathroom and many of my original symptoms coming back! It was very scary. But as soon as he switched products and began brushing his teeth before kissing me things got a lot better. It was like clockwork.


So it was difficult to ask him to make such a change, but he did it without a problem. Although I know he misses his deodorant and the scent that accompians it, which he became accoustomed to. Now both of us don't smell like body odor, but we do smell unscented and just like ourselves with no fancy fragrance. It is pretty interesting to smell your own scent honestly! I do like his natural scent!


So when it comes to dates what do we do? Well we don't do dinner, but we do partake in a lot of other fun activities.
We went blues dancing.
To the park.
We watch movies. We had a bad movie night, that was fun.
We watch documentaries (health ones that I request him to download :p)
We played mario.
Hang out with friends.
Attend philosophy club meetings.
Went rollerblading.
We talked about taking a yoga class together.
Painted pottery.
Go to concerts.
We drove around and flipped a quarter, letting heads or tales pick where we would end up.
Played arcade games.
Went camping.
I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it.


So there's plenty of opportunies to do other things aside from the traditional going out to eat.
You just have to work a little harder to think of things.


Now I think the hardest part about dating someone when you are sick is just dealing with the emotional aspect of the illness. I want to get better so badly that sometimes I get really upset when I am not at my full energy and mobility that I was at before. It is easy to focus on what one does not have. It is also easy to take out the stress that dealing with the illness brings on another person who is just trying to be there for you.
Sometimes I think that I should be dealing with this illness on my own, that I don't want to suck someone into the despair that I sometimes feel. He watched a health documentary with me that was rather inspiring. Multiple people with autoimmune diseases getting remission.
It is good to have someone willing to listen, but you have to keep a positive attitude. I need to say this to myself. I have to keep a positive attitude. And a positive attitude is always better when there is truth to it. If one is doing things to better their health and to learn about their health then it makes it easier to have a positive attitude. Learning and moving forward is always the answer. Not all illnesses have ever had someone gain remission, but it doesn't mean that they never could. There was a time when many people died of the common cold. Hence our friend penicillin.

Yes one's illness may impact one's life greatly. BUT YOU ARE NOT YOUR ILLNESS.
You are YOU. :)
Don't let the sickness take away your life. Take control of your sickness. And in times of difficulty, when the illness seems to be taking over life. Allow healing time, but do not ever fully submit to the illness. Fight it, learn about it, and try to defeat it.
Never give up.
You deserve your life.
Not a long miserable one.
But rather a high quality one, that has soaked up the opportunities of joy and allowed oneself open to recieving that joy. A beaten down, cynical attitude is not the proper environment to receive that joy that makes life sweet.
Stay strong.
Make jokes.
And when in doubt, watch a lot of silly youtube videos!!